


Hanging Tree

by Donts



Series: Donts' Whumptober2020 writings [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Merlin (Merlin), Gen, Guilt, I disappear for months and then write this jsjsjsjs, I'm Sorry, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Whumptober 2020, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26753173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donts/pseuds/Donts
Summary: Merlin's guilt grows too powerful after the death of Sir Lancelot.For Whumptober 2020
Series: Donts' Whumptober2020 writings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952098
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Hanging Tree

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the low quality of writing and possible typos. I typed this on my phone during school because I was bored and figured I should do some of these Whumptober prompts lol

Merlin sniffled, his nose runny from crying. Lancelot was dead, and it was all his fault. His friend's death had sent him down a trail of guilt and self doubt. The moon was already high in the sky, and yet Merlin lay awake, intrusive thoughts screaming in his ears.

Merlin had no one. No one who knew him. No one who had full faith in him. Lancelot had been a rock, much like Will had been, holding him and making sure he was okay. Their faith never wavered, whole heatedly believing in and loving Merlin for all he is, magic included.

Merlin was a coward. He knew this. He had let the people who mattered most die. Surely he could have used his magic, tried harder, anything but letting them go. This is how he repays them? Letting them die for a useless cause? Who would he let down next? Gaius? Gwen? No. He couldn't let that happen.

Merlin got out of bed with a newfound purpose, grabbing some rope and his satchel. He made his way to exit his room, only to hesitate.

One usually leaves a note, don't they?

Merlin quickly unfolded some parchment and hastily dipped his quill in ink. The soft scratching gently sounded through the room as Merlin wrote his final words. He read the note over in the candle light, judging it good enough and left it out for Gaius to find in the morning.

Merlin took his time walking through the forest, taking in the magic of the night for the last time. Moonbeams highlighted his features as he came to a stop. A large oak tree stood before him.

He touched his palm to the bark and closed his eyes with a whispered apology and set to work.

Soon enough, a noose was made, and Merlin sat shakily on the branch it was hanging from.

Merlin placed the rope around his neck, scratchier than any of his neckerchiefs had ever been, and let out a deep breath. With one last look to the stars, Merlin pushed off the branch, eyes seeing no longer.

A dead silence filled the area around him, the creatures of the night mourning the loss of such great magic silently.

**\--- ******

********

A frantic Gaius would later burst into the prince's chambers, begging for a search for his beloved son.

********

The search would be held and Leon would be the one to find the body. He would stand in shock at the swaying body before calling out to the other knights to help him cut Merlin down.

********

Their shaking fingers would lower his body and lay him on the grass, his body sickeningly pale against the vibrant green of foliage. Their tears would fall, and wails of grief would be heard through the trees.

********

And yet with all their pleas and begging, Merlin would never open his eyes again. Merlin would never smile. Merlin would never laugh. He would become a painful memory for all knew of him, an ache in many hearts.

********

But until then, Merlin was here. Hanging in this eternal night, Moonlight reflecting on his dried tears.

********

**\--- ******

************ ** **

_I can't say I'm sure on how to write this, but I will try. Gaius, you know how much responsibility I have, you know of the destiny that has been forced upon my shoulders. Surely you can understand why I cannot stay any longer.  
There have been people to know of my magic before. They are dead. I feel like I'm cursed, those closest to me always destined to fall. I cannot do that to you, to Arthur, to the knights, to Gwen, I just can't.  
So this is goodbye. Forever.  
I love you all so much and I hope you will find it in you to forgive me._

********** **

_With much love, Merlin. ___

********** **

**Author's Note:**

> Again, sorry for the pain.
> 
> ❤️Comments and Kudos are much appreciated ❤️


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